Mystery Child

Back a number of years, I had been married for an extremely brief time. During that time I thought I had the world. I had a husband, we were planning on a family and maybe buy a house. Life was great, or so I thought. Around the time of our planned wedding I had gone to the doctor because pregnancy was suspected. The result I got confused the heck out of me for about a week. They had told me the test was negative so with my head hung low in disappointment I returned home. By the time I got home I had a message saying the test went positive. The doctor ruled it was negative cause how can it show 2 results in less that 5 mins? So we left it at that. Well much to my dismay about a week later I was in the bathroom and had something happen that I didn't think possible. For many years I went in doubt as to whether or not I saw what I saw in the toilet that one day. To this day I'll never know for sure. However, since I have been through 2 full term pregnancies and did some reading on the internet I am convinced that what I saw that day was a miscarriage of the baby my doctor told me wasn't there. I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't understand why it happened the way it did and it didn't sink in as a miscarriage because the medical professional I spoke to said I wasn't pregnant. So why think it was a miscarriage. Up until I came to Christ and started inner healing did I come to term with this and admitted to myself it was a miscarriage and there was a reason it happened. That reason was just 8 months after we got married my husband at the time walked out with no explanation. This happened in 1996. It took me until 2011 to forgive myself. This poem is the way I've been able to let it go. I know there are hundreds of women out there that have suffered this so I hope this can help in your healing too. God Bless My little baby who I'll meet one day in eternity. Here is a dedication to my mystery child.

To My Mystery Child

You are somewhere but

I’ll never know just where

I never had the chance to experience you

Just as quickly as you were discovered away you went

I’ll never hear your heart beat

I’ll never feel you kick

Who were you to become?

I guess it wasn’t my time to be a mom

Things weren’t great at that point in time

Not a good time for you to come

So I guess my young one when you left

It was plain to see that the Lord above was telling me

“Not now dear one,

I will take this child and keep it close to me

Until I deem it time for you to be a mom”

So I’m sorry my child for our loss but to me you’ve gained eternity

I heard it from the LORD!

Psalm 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb