Proceed to read with care and caution.....We hear about this, we see this, some of us even experience this. This is one of the worst acts against any human being, not only violates, rights but leaves lifetimes of scars not just for the victim but for families too. This thing I speak about is abuse. It is done in so many ways, I'm not going to mention them all. There is the most common physical or sexual abuse but what about the unseen abuse. Ya, you know the verbal, emotional, mental abuse. The kind where the victim is told there aren't worth much, or mind games are played or ones emotions are used against them. It's ugly but it happens. It happened to me. I endured it for 8 years before I was free of it. It's taken me this long to face the hurts and crush the lies he told me. It was only through the Grace of God that I was able to face my past hurts and set myself free of this bondage. These chains were attached to me and kept me from opening my heart truly to The Lord. But not only that they kept me from seeing who I really am. This past weekend, I received the peace and the know how to set me free and forgive myself for letting me get into that situation. I had forgiven, my abuser but I never forgave myself. This time has come. I stand here free of the hurts, lies and scars that I've held in my heart all this time. After I had discovered this on my heart, I wanted to let my feelings flow out and be put to words. So I wrote a poem about it. Everything came flooding back of what I felt during that time, only this time I'm on the outside standing and watching and feeling, the anger, the sorrow, the lost, the worthlessness etc... Writing this helped chase all that away. After pondering on it for awhile I prayed and asked The Lord what should I do now with these words. He answered me by telling me it's time to share my story. So here it is in a nutshell. I'm sharing this tonight in hopes that somewhere out there I am words of encouragement for any person who is suffering any kind of abuse whether is is physical or emotional or mental. It's wrong and you need to get out. Stop sitting there feeling like you are worthless cause you know what YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and there is the ONE who can help you to feel that again. Turn to The Lord for He sees you as nothing but BEAUTIFUL. both men and women. Tonight's entry is quite graphic. I welcome comments or thoughts. IF anyone knows someone suffering abuse pass this on to them. May God Bless your Healing, whoever you are.
Frozen in Fear
She sits frozen in fear
As he comes near
His eyes are black
His face is tense
Chills crawl up her back
Not a muscle she will move
His anger is at it’s worst
With every step he takes
She hopes it will improve
What will she witness today
Knife roulette?
Knuckle Rub?
Through his glare he’ll ask her again
What she liked to see
Still frozen in fear
She’ll mumble her words
In hopes he won’t hear
Then comes the lies
She’s told she must believe
He tells her that only he loves her
So she will not leave
She’s nothing without him
and her life will be so grim
He says
Fearfully obedient in his arms she settles in
As he gives her a wicked grin
OH the power he has over her
Night draws near
So does fear
What has he in store for her tonight?
Loving and sensual
Or forced on her with all his might?
How dare she put herself through this?
Does she think this is wedded bliss?
Quick there’s the door
Wait he’s angry and coming back for more
When will this end?
She thought he was her best friend
What has she done?
She must not be loving him enough
Why else would he do this stuff
She knows there is better but cannot seem to leave
For she is frozen in her fear
with the lies she’s told to believe
As days go by she learns to hide
all within her heart
cause she’s pledged to stay with him
till death do they part
oh the nights she cried
but could never leave
once she tried
yet again the lies he did tell
To keep hold on her
did she not know
to safety she could go
she began to pray for help
little did she know
help was already on the way
on that unexpected day in May
he finally set her free
He turned and drive into the night
Releasing her from years of pain and fright
Thanks to the Lord for hearing her prayer
It took oh so long for her to see
That someone else cares
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is what she’d hope to one day find.
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This poetry is not only Praise to God but it is also a testimony of His work in my life. Even when I haven't paid attention, He was there through it all. God Loves Me even though I am not perfect and that's enough for me.